A bit of mini-rantings

You know, there's just a couple things in this world that I do not understand. For starters, just a simple pair of jeans and how they do not agree with my body wearing them. And by simple pair of jeans- I mean every pair I own. I don't know what it is, but apparently when I get into a pair of pants it's a high stress situation (ho ho! Zinger!). I'd like to think I'm not morbidly obese by any means- and it doesn't matter what size I get- they just cause me problems. The weird thing is- is there's no signs of wear and tear in any other place on the entire pair of pants other than.... *drum roll please** the freakin' seams of the crotch!

It's a little odd to me that the pants fit fine in every area, in fact a little more loose and almost baggy, but in the same place every single time I notice it looks like a tiny Hulk has tried to burst through my pantalones. Look people, I'm fully aware of the fact I have thunder thighs, I've come to accept it. However, there's no reason why every god forsaken pair of pants has rips in it! I didn't realize I was stressing my pants out so badly! I wish they would have told me! But in my defense, it's my self-esteem on the line here. I feel like everytime I'm walking around in a pair of jeans I can hear David Bowies "Under Pressure" just playing in the background. Is it me? Are the pants trying to commit suicide or something?

So, in a brief synopsis:
Dear Pants,
Quit being such whiny babies and fit like you're supposed to without ripping. Because if you think about it, realistically, there's no reason for you to be ripping since it's not like I have rub myself in butter to slip myself into you every morning. So stop being a jerk and trying to screw with my self esteem. It's time for you to adjust your attitude.